You Biscuit!

Further to Godmother's previous Blog Post : How to talk to your kids about sex http://blog.thebedroom.co.za/2010/08/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-sex.html.

I want to share a very cute story with you, last Monday night the Babette Cole books were chosen as that evenings reading matter for my children. My 9 year old was reading them to his younger sister and brother. They then all decided unanimously that Mommy should read them, that would be me. Of course I oblige, we all know to encourage reading from a young age. To get an idea of the nature of these books see my previous Blog Post: http://blog.thebedroom.co.za/2010/05/sex-education-for-children.html, so due to this subject and children being what they are, innocent and frank. My son (4 years old) is running around the lounge saying: " I got a willy, I got a willy!", we know that even grown men would love to chant this. Then my daughter (5 and half years old) says I have a "Cookie" I quietly correct her and say, "It is called a vagina"....she then says but I like to call it "my cookie" because it is my little biscuit!!!

So I did what any normal mother would do I laughed out loud!!!!

Dammit man, make better choices woman!

I happened to watch that Keira Knightly movie, The Dutchess, the other night ... if you haven't seen it yet it is the rather remarkable story of the controversial Dutchess of Devonshire, Georgiana Cavendish.  Long story short - it was a rather good reminder of how far women's rights have come since the 18th Century.

It struck me while watching it though, that although we have all these rights now, so many women still choose to stay in bad situations.  I have chosen my words carefully here.  I meant to say that women "CHOOSE" to stay in bad situations because that IS in fact the case.  There are so many options today, and we have so much power, there are so many directions in which to seek help, so yes, I firmly believe that it is a choice to stay in that destructive relationship you may be in today.  I say that with conviction, simply because, like many of you, I have been there.

In the 18th century women had no rights to their own bodies, to their children, let alone to vote.  Women fought for these liberties and rights we have today, they came through hardships most of us would never dream of enduring.  I think most of them would turn in their graves to see some of us hand our power and our rights over to someone else and choose to be in that situation that they had no choice but to be in.

My wish for you today, if you are a woman out there in an unhappy or unfulfilled relationship, is to CHOOSE to do something about that!  Whether you choose to work on improving the relationship or whether you choose to leave the relationship, CHOOSE to do something, because you not only have the right, you have the responsibility to do so!

It's 2010, and it's a gorgeous spring day, you deserve and you have the right to be happy and healthy!  Choose life and choose happiness!

How to talk to your kids about sex

For those of you who missed Jonti Searll's very informative talk on "How to talk to your kids about sex", herewith the most salient points:


• It may be the most important talk you will ever have with your child! The "big talk" about sex should come early. If by the age of 10 they haven’t asked related questions, you should invoke a discussion by asking what they know.
• In schools, the core of “sex education” is around prevention (pregnancy, AIDS etc). Your discussion needs to focus on the positive of sex – the pleasure and celebration of intimacy! It should give your child a healthy, positive and respectful view of human intimacy that will stand up to all the garbage that comes from the media and their peers. Know that the more you don’t talk about it, the more they will find out from other sources, which you might regard as “undesirable”.
• Your own level of sexual confidence will determine if and how you relate to your kids about the topic of sex. The more natural and relaxed you are with your own body, the easier this conversation will be. Don’t let you own sexual insecurities cloud their innocence.
• Kids will ask specific questions – give them specific answers. Keep these in context and age appropriate, e.g. “What is a condom?” doesn’t mean they want to know details of the sexual act.
• If you give them books to learn about the subject matter, make sure that you work through the books with them, to answer and explain any questions.
• When they ask an “uncomfortable question”, acknowledge that it is a difficult issue for you to discuss, as this creates a sense of “sacredness and vulnerability” which they will intuit as such.
• Don’t discourage them touching themselves, as it is a very comforting feeling for them, but explain that it is best to do this in private.
• Refer to their body parts by their real names, e.g. “penis” and “vagina”. Using words like “private parts” gives the impression of shamefulness and disassociation with the rest of their bodies.
• Throughout the sex conversation, it is critical to impart the importance of respect (for their own bodies but also for the opposite sex), and also for them to understand that they always have a choice as far as sex goes. And that all choices have consequences. Always link the subject to love and commitment in a clear and positive way.
• Information is power and the more informed your kids are, the more responsible they will behave sexually!


Some of the feedback at this talk was that Jonti needs to address fathers, school headmasters, teachers etc on this critical issue! Watch this space as we'll definitely endeavor to make it happen the next time Jonti is back in Durban!

I'm a deaf girl inside!

What can the deaf can teach us about communication!  EVERYTHING!

Godmother and I always say that although we want our business to be financially successful, what really gets our "jollies" off are the connections we make with people in store, and the emotional fulfilment we get daily from simply speaking to normal women about all sorts of interesting topics.  Tonight was no exception!  I had the honour of hosting a party of 10 phenomenal women in store ... 8 of whom were deaf!  And although we don't normally share the details of our parties on our blog or facebook, I have a feeling they won't mind me sharing a little of this tonight.

I have always considered myself a fat girl inside, I don't know if all of you will know what I mean, I have been fat and slim, and regardless of how slim I ever am at any particular time, inside I'm always a fat girl!  Maybe for some of you brunettes, inside you're a blonde... Maybe for some of you rocket scientists, inside you're a ditz.  You get what I mean.  Well, I think I'm going to redefine myself from tonight ... inside I'm a deaf girl.  You probably think I'm going off my rocker, but let me explain ...

We have had some amazing groups of ladies who have held parties at our store over the last 3 years!  Obviously each group comes with it's own "vibe" (scuze the pun), it's own "loud mouth", it's own "quiet mouse", this one came with a little email from the organiser of the party warning me that 8 of the 10 ladies attending the party were deaf, and that the 2 hearing ladies were able to sign, so I shouldn't worry, etc.  I'm not a total stranger to the deaf community, I had a deaf friend in high school, and of course we have had 2 or 3 deaf ladies in store who we have helped (with the aid of lip reading and gesturing) but we'd never had a party of mostly deaf ladies, and I'm by no means able to sign, so tonight was truly inspiring.

What I found tonight was one of the most communicative groups we've ever had in store.  Despite the "language" barrier, these ladies asked FAR more interesting questions than most do, we discussed WAY more than normal, and openly!  I actually commented on this towards the end of the evening, and one of the ladies said to me that the deaf community are generally very straight forward.  It was refreshing!  I have another theory... I think perhaps some of these ladies are even more in touch with themselves than their hearing counterparts, simply because they are deprived of one of their senses.  We recommend this often, blindfold yourself and a simple massage becomes so much more sensory, etc.  I also think on some level it has something to do with not saying the words, you know how sending a sexy text message can be so much easier than saying the words?   I wonder if that's the case for them, that they can express themselves more openly because they're not hearing the words?  Regardless of why, these ladies, although they may not have chosen to be deaf, sure do wear it well!

I was reminded tonight that we're all the same inside, despite our outer differences.  I was reminded again why I am so passionate about this business.  I was reminded how inspiring women are to each other.

I learned some interesting new things tonight as well, I learned the sign language for clitoris, vagina, and the most beautifully simple and apt sign for orgasm.  The sign language for the word orgasm is so much more beautiful than speaking it out loud.  I hope to use it often!

PS - if I've in any way been politically incorrect in this post, or offended in some way, forgive me, it is not intended.  And to the beautiful ladies tonight, read my lips above - THANK YOU!

Practical makes Perfect!

Last night I was lucky enough to attend a Workshop by Jonti Searll, one of the country's leading Sexuality and Sensuality teachers. (http://www.sensualreality.co.za/)

The workshop's topic was Expanded Orgasm. Now I am not about to repeat the workshop content but I will put it into context for you. My husband is away at the moment and I cannot wait to put what I learnt into practise on his return. Lucky him (and me!). I recommend it, very informative, I learnt a lot and it was a very good presentation.

The workshop was brilliant in that it taught us (15 interested and eager, men and women) practical ways to Expand One's Orgasm, on both male and female! (Ginger is the name given to the false fanny - go girl!) Firstly who knew one could do such a thing and it basically comes down to complete selflessness when one is creating this for your partner. Like with anything in life there is always a sense of giving in order to receive, but never giving with the intention to receive. That is key. The other key is breathing, Jonti could not say it enough how breathing can slow things down and thereby create greater pleasure. This is just a taste of what there is to learn.

After the workshop I had a brief discussion with Godmother - we love to do this - and I said it is Sex Yoga. An Expanded Orgasm can create a sense of euphoria but also it goes deeper than that so when one is in the process the outcome is meditation or relaxation. Wow new ways to relieve stress, bring it on in this crazy world we live in. Sex for the BODY not just the genitalia!

I have to share the funny side too, after the workshop Jonti always asks for feed back and one of the guys said he normally would have to pay good money to see 8 or so ladies holding dildos and rubbing them with lubricant learning the art of different strokes. It was hard to focus for the guys when this happened but fortunately the women managed and came away wiser and even more eager to give pleasure to their respective partners!

The Bedroom...in Moscow?

We continue to be honoured and flattered by the desirability of our offering – everyone wants to get into bed with us (pardon the pun!). We hear daily how amazing our shop is (from location, products, service level etc) and without fail, out-of-towners beg us to come and open a shop in their neck of the woods,” because we SO don’t have anything like this and we SO need it”! These requests have already materialised in a couple of meetings with prospective business partners and we hope to indeed expand very soon...so watch this space!

But to open in Moscow? Well, here is the story...a darling friend of mine has been living there for a couple of years and made friends with a certain Marina who came to SA recently to celebrate her 40^th in true African style, including spending some time in Durban.

My friend had told her about The Bedroom and her intrigue had us in the shop shortly after their arrival! My friend had to assume the role of translator as Marina had a 101 questions, in Russian!! And as with most visitors to our shop, The Bedroom bug got a total hold of her, to the point that the 1^st thing she asked me the next morning was whether we would consider opening a shop in Moscow. “Absolutely”, I said, “...why not?!”

An animated (translated) discussion ensued and when it got to the point where I asked her how the name “The Bedroom” would translate into Russian, we decided that “The Sleep Place” is far too unsexy. After some more “da, da; net, net” (“yes, yes; no, no”), my friend suddenly SCREAMED with laughter and told me that Marina thinks she’s got the right name...directly translated is it...wait for it...
”The Cock Magnet”!!!!

Do you think we missed a trick locally??!!

It's a tough job, but someone has to do it!

I just read the most amazing statistic on the web - did you know that according to a recent survey 1 in 10 women has had a longer relationship with her vibrator than her mate?  Best we choose well then hey?  Giggle giggle ...

As we have often blogged before, we give ourselves homework at The Bedroom, naturally we like to try as many of the interesting gadgets we stock as possible, so we can write our reviews for you and of course give you our honest and first hand experiences with them.  I can think of way worse homework, what a perk!

Recently we have got in so many new and exciting playthings, that I found myself wondering what to take home this weekend?  I have a pampering weekend planned, starting with a facial tomorrow... after the extremely busy, eventful, exciting August we've had and are having ... this weekend off is a real treat for me ... and part of this pamper weekend has to be a new plaything - DUH!

The only problem is I'm a little torn at the moment between the Kiwi (pictured above) and Shanice (I know, where do they think up these names?).  Is it too indulgent to take both home?

Well, I guess you'll all have to just wait and see what I choose and what my review has to say about it :)

Wishing you all a fantastic weekend...

The Smart Choice - SmartBalls

There has been some frenzy shopping around the Smartballs in the Boutique of late. This is a good thing. It means the awareness of the female anatomy is broadening. For those of you who are not sure what I am referring to, they are pictured above and they can become your friend as far as exercise is concerned....Why you may ask:

• They are a device to strengthen the pubococcygeal muscles - plain English the Pelvic floor muscles.



• These muscles mentioned in point above, hold the bladder in place - if you are unfortunate enough to suffer from Stress Incontinence ("I wee when I cough, sneeze or jump on a trampoline!") The Smartballs will help and stop the weakening bladder (or muscles) getting worse and help to improve this "condition" generally.
  
  
• They are inserted like a tampon (yes they do fit - I have tried and tested them) and then you keep them there for 20 minutes a day while walking around.



• Suggestion: do it while you are cooking supper....don't forget they there.
  
  
• Your Sex life will improve because Smartballs strengthen the vaginal wall muscles, these are the muscles that contract when having an orgasm...if they are toned and strong the orgasm will be all the more powerful - YES PLEASE!
  
  
• We say here in The Boutique that it is Fanny Gym with weights.



• Gynaecologists recommend them, thank goodness, and now you know where to obtain such a wonderful invention.

Like with anything in life it takes discipline, but if you stick to the regime for 6 weeks, you will see a difference and so will your partner.

Glorious union of the g-spot and clitoral goddesses...

About a year ago I posted a blog about “Educating your partner (yourself?!) about cunnilingus; the act of using the mouth, lips, and tongue to stimulate the female genitals” (http://blog.thebedroom.co.za/2009/08/art-of-69-part-1.html).

So assuming that you are all fast learners and have “conquered the art of 69”, I want to share a little “twist on the theme” which you may want to try at some stage, bearing in mind the most important part of oral sex; telling your partner what you like!

But I have to add that as with most wonderful discoveries or inventions; this happened totally by default and not design...and I suppose therein lies the beauty...amazing things happen when you are spontaneous, relaxed, play and open (pardon the pun!) to experience...

I happen to have this very versatile little toy (pictured above and review available here: http://www.thebedroom.co.za/reviews.htm#bullet) in my bag of tricks. One day, while my husband and I were playing around, he started giving me oral sex while the bullet was vibrating inside of me...oh my goodness...may I repeat, OH MY GOODNESS!!!

Because I personally don’t favour rabbit-type toys (where there is simultaneous internal and external “occupation” and stimulation), this combination of bullet-vibrating-inside-and-husband-performing-oral-sex-outside stimulation, must rate as one of the most glorious unions of the g-spot and clitoral goddesses...

In the spirit of Women’s Month – lie back and let someone else do the work!! ENJOY!

Boep Idles and sexy old couples!

I had the pleasure of going to watch the Gee Jays do "Boep Idles" last night at the Heritage Theatre in Hillcrest. First of all - TOO much fun, good food, great company, and a good sing along is good for the heart and soul, and I would recommend it to anyone, but this blog is not simply a Gee Jays punt ... rather is is a comment on the wonderful state of some of the love affairs out there, especially in the older generations.

As a 35 year old single woman, if ever I needed reminding about what I may be missing out on in future, I had that reminder last night.  A delightful older couple was sitting at the table in front of us, and during the Gee Jay's rendition of Cliff Richard's "Living Doll" (Got myself a crying, talking, sleeping, walking, living doll...

Got to do my best to please her, just 'cause she's a livingdoll... Got a roving eye and that is why she satisfies my soul... Got the one and only walking talking, living doll...) the gentleman, seated behind his wife, wrapped his arms around her and they started rocking to the music, she looked back at him and pecked him on the cheek and they were all smiles and laughs all night.  They couldn't keep their hands off each other.  I'm guessing they were in their 70s.  How truly inspiring!  Wonderful!  Something to be treasured and celebrated!

If you're in a relationship that is hum drum, or lacking in the affection department, please do yourselves a favour and change that today!  Life is all about choices, if you choose to be with your partner, I wish you all the passion (at this age and for always) that this couple had last night!  And remember, it's all about choices, regardless of the past, or your current situation, it is never to late to start all over and just love each other... Stop bickering, and stop depriving yourself of the relationship you deserve! Go home and hug your love, and dance, and love!!!

Wishing you love this Friday, have a good weekend...

A little Sensual Hand Massage

Here at The Bedroom we teach couples or ladies how to give a Sensual Massage.... I thought I would give a little appetiser here with some tips to get your man even crazier about you. We have always said it is the little things that go a long way.

Picture the scene, it is cold, it is dry, so how about this a little spoil for him (and you).

• basin of warm soapy water


• hand scrub


• massage cream or massage oil


• dim the lights a little.


• let him soak his hands in the warm soapy water


• rub some hand scrub on his hands, let him rinse and dry.

Now you can really spoil him by massaging his hands with some special hand cream or massage oil (see massage oil review here: http://www.thebedroom.co.za/reviews.htm#bedmassageoil). Start by rubbing the hand pads firmly really working the muscles near the thumb.

Massage each finger individually.

Take his hands and massage all over front and back - s l o w l y!

The benefits are:

His hands will be soft and well manicured - very attractive.

He will not realise until you do it how wonderful a hand massage and mini manicure can be.

He will ultimately and ideally love you for doing this for him - when do men ever get this done to them...

Simple ladies yet effective. We love that don't we.

And then remind him that it is your turn next time and he can do your feet because we adore our feet being massaged don't we???...

Are you your man’s porn star?

The issue of pornography is so emotionally laden and is understandably often a very difficult one to get one’s mind around, especially as a woman. This is often due to our own "body insecurities", not “getting what the fuss is all about”, not knowing what typically goes down (pardon the pun!) in an erotic dance club or never having watched a X-rated movie yourself.

Again, as with most things sexually related, I firmly believe the key to “porn-self-empowerment” is education! The very first thing you as a woman need to know and accept is that your man is a visual being. You might never truly understand the fact that he could possibly never tire of “fanny in his face”, but that is fact and that is just how it is.

Secondly you need to challenge yourself and perhaps ask him to either take you with to his next “Springfield ballet” outing to go see for yourself (you might be pleasantly surprised how excited he might be at that prospect and or what a turn-on it might be for you as a couple!) or to watch a porn movie with him.

If you find that it is really not your cup of tea, at least employ what you’ve learnt through the above exposure and APPLY it! 

Become your man’s own porn star!

Do a striptease dance (2 glasses of wine forehand will definitely help calm the nerves and so will dimmed lights!),

talk a little dirty,

try a new position,

throw your hair back,

moan a little louder and most importantly

LET HIM FEAST HIS EYES ON YOU WHILE YOU MOVE YOUR BODY!!!

One could argue – if yours is not in his face, who’s is?